On Happiness

K turned two a couple of weeks ago. As I watched her savor cupcakes and ice cream and rip into presents, I was struck by how much joy children find in the simple acts of living. I can’t remember the last time that I stuffed an entire chocolate cupcake into my mouth with abandon.

Children are notoriously impulsive. R shows no hesitation flying down the driveway on his scooter or throwing his body to the ground during a soccer game. K’s recklessness in the swimming pool would drive any parent to require her to wear a life jacket until she’s 30. The risks that adults carefully weigh and consider are only after thoughts in a kid’s world.

Somewhere along the road to adulthood, we grow into individuals who are self-conscious and afraid to take chances and fail. Some might call this good sense. Nobody wants to get hurt, and bones heal more slowly when you’re 40 than when you’re four.

But this indecision creates many roadblocks in our quest for happiness. The very act of risking without knowing what the outcome will be is what makes life exhilarating. Without change and risk, we are destined to live in a perpetual state of monotony. I’m certainly not suggesting that my children (or anyone else for that matter) race trains, play Russian roulette or get tattooed while inebriated. But there's got to be a happy medium between reckless irresponsibility and paralyzing caution.

One day, when R and K have reached adulthood, and faced with a major life decision, frantically find themselves conducting risk-benefit analysis in their heads, here are some of the things I would tell them about what I’ve learned on my own quest for happiness:

-Try new things. Order something you’ve never had before at a restaurant. Take a yoga class. Have a conversation with a stranger (in a well-lit, busy location). Get a new haircut. Go somewhere you’ve never been.

-Live with abandon. Jump into the pool without checking the temperature first. When a good song comes on, sing out loud in a public place. Wear white to a barbecue. Laugh until you snort milk out of your nose.

-Take risks. Accept a new job. Choose the red shoes instead of sensible beige. Say, “I love you” without wondering if the other person will say it back. When we stop risking, we deny ourselves the opportunity to live fully.

-Know yourself. Know who you are all alone without anyone else’s expectations. Take time to do things that make you happy. Throw off the idea that it’s selfish to take care of your own needs. When we do this, it allows us to give to others willingly, not resentfully.

When our founding fathers penned the Declaration of Independence, they valued happiness so highly that they called the pursuit of Happiness an unalienable right. We aren’t guaranteed happiness, only the right to pursue it. I would tell R and K to avoid being their own biggest obstacles to that pursuit. When happiness floats into view, grab onto it with both hands and hold on tight. Don’t let go and don’t look backward or forward. Just savor it like a fistful of chocolate cupcake.  

 Don’t wait around for other people to be happy for you. Any happiness you get, you’ve got to make for yourself. –Alice Walker