K turned two a couple of weeks ago. As I watched her savor cupcakes
and ice cream and rip into presents, I was struck by how much joy children find
in the simple acts of living. I can’t remember the last time that I stuffed an
entire chocolate cupcake into my mouth with abandon.
Children are notoriously impulsive. R shows no hesitation
flying down the driveway on his scooter or throwing his body to the ground
during a soccer game. K’s recklessness in the swimming pool would drive any
parent to require her to wear a life jacket until she’s 30. The risks that
adults carefully weigh and consider are only after thoughts in a kid’s world.
Somewhere along the road to adulthood, we grow into
individuals who are self-conscious and afraid to take chances and fail. Some
might call this good sense. Nobody wants to get hurt, and bones heal more
slowly when you’re 40 than when you’re four.
But this indecision creates many roadblocks in our quest for
happiness. The very act of risking without knowing what the outcome will be is
what makes life exhilarating. Without change and risk, we are destined to live
in a perpetual state of monotony. I’m certainly not suggesting that my children
(or anyone else for that matter) race trains, play Russian roulette or get
tattooed while inebriated. But there's got to be a happy medium between reckless
irresponsibility and paralyzing caution.
One day, when R and K have reached adulthood, and faced with
a major life decision, frantically find themselves conducting risk-benefit
analysis in their heads, here are some of the things I would tell them about
what I’ve learned on my own quest for happiness:
-Try new things.
Order something you’ve never had before at a restaurant. Take a yoga class.
Have a conversation with a stranger (in a well-lit, busy location). Get a new
haircut. Go somewhere you’ve never been.
-Live with abandon. Jump
into the pool without checking the temperature first. When a good song comes
on, sing out loud in a public place. Wear white to a barbecue. Laugh until you
snort milk out of your nose.
-Take risks. Accept
a new job. Choose the red shoes instead of sensible beige. Say, “I love you”
without wondering if the other person will say it back. When we stop risking,
we deny ourselves the opportunity to live fully.
-Know yourself. Know
who you are all alone without anyone else’s expectations. Take time to do
things that make you happy. Throw off the idea that it’s selfish to take care
of your own needs. When we do this, it allows us to give to others willingly,
not resentfully.
When our founding fathers penned the Declaration of Independence, they valued happiness so highly that they called the pursuit of Happiness an unalienable
right. We aren’t guaranteed happiness, only the right to pursue it. I would
tell R and K to avoid being their own biggest obstacles to that pursuit. When
happiness floats into view, grab onto it with both hands and hold on tight.
Don’t let go and don’t look backward or forward. Just savor it like a fistful
of chocolate cupcake.
Don’t wait around for
other people to be happy for you. Any happiness you get, you’ve got to make for
yourself. –Alice Walker
